The ball rolls

Rumor has it that my ex is not entirely happy with her choices and is once again testing the waters before toddling off for yet another jaunt down cheater alley. Yeah I know, rumors are rumors and we shouldn't listen to them right? I mean lets face it, when I was told she was cheating on me I didn't listen to those rumors, lucky for me eh!

Rumors don't just start, they don't just pop up from nowhere, they are given life by something that happens, something somebody sees or hears, in this case both it seems.

They say what goes around comes around and I hope that is true, I hope that one day she falls head over heals in love with the most fantastic man (or woman), she ever knew, I really do, I hope she is so happy that heaven itself swoons.

I also hope and pray that when she is so certain of the love her partner has for her that she will listen to nothing bad about them, that her wonderful loving steadfast partner turns to her one day and says these words...

"I just need a break, some time to myself to work out what I want"

Then I hope she remembers my face the day she said them to me.

A rumor is just a rumor right?
Well, I heard this one from 3 different people and you know what they say.

Update 23 July

It was just suggested to me that the people who told me these rumors are just trying to cause trouble, well maybe, but they are all current friends of Nicole, why would they lie? It seems they don't 'all' hate me as much as she would like.

Update June 7th 2010

Interesting thing about men, we are all controlled by the same things no matter how upright and clean we appear on the outside and we all do stupid things we know we will regret later, but we do them anyway because that's who we are, blokes.

One of those stupid things a bloke I know did was to set up a hidden video camera in his spare room and another in his bedroom. Now this wouldn't be so bad except that he had them running when a certain female would be actor/director/writer was visiting to do some 'editing' (wink wink). The thing is that I only just found out about this and the video apparently makes it clear that on a particular evening when she didn't answer my calls she was not, as she told me, in his spare room working on a project, well perhaps she was but it wasn't the project she wanted me to think it was and it wasn't the working on I was told either.

Mate, if you are going to make secret videos for future viewing for christ's sake hide them where a thief won't find them!

So it would seem the list of lies continues to grow and so does the list of video's.

Update May 21st 2010

So here's the thing, I have these pages and diary entries that I just finished reading through, you see Nicole kept track of her days by writing stuff down in her diary, on note pads and even single sheets of paper.

Now while she wrote some interesting stuff about me, personal stuff too about my habits and behaviors while asleep, she also wrote some really telling and interesting things about others, especially those she was having fun with, those she was cheating on me with and, most interestingly of all, about the relationships of these people, married or not. It would seem she was both intimate AND a confidant with these people/lovers. Obviously she didn't think anybody else would ever read these entries!

Now of course, with all she has done to me and all she continues to do I have decided that certain of these pages would be best scanned and published so that wives, girlfriends and work colleagues can see who Nicole Manktelow really is, they do make for interesting reading, X Rated in parts but I guess you would expect nothing less from a woman who slept around and went favor for favor in quiet rooms.

I haven't decided yet if I will publish all of the pages that show her for what she is or to just publish those pages that will make interesting reading for certain partners, both marital and work related. I can tell you that at least 2 of these pages were so explicit that I photo copied them and sent them to the wife of the guy named, the result will be interesting.

Would I really be that much of an arsehole?

Well apparently yes I would!

Oh and by the way, you just have to love the Russian mind sometimes, I have been sent a list of all IP Addresses that have viewed or attemtped to view the dreaded video plus all those who have looked up, and spent longer than 30 seconds looking at and/or downloading the still shots from the videos. I haven't yet decided if I will publish them but if I do... well, if you have any IT knowledge at all it won't be hard to identify people now will it, I already have.

Nicole Manktelow and me

What really went wrong between us.

I had a few emails lately, a surprise really because I honestly thought all you people just flat out believed her and weren't interested in any other sides, my apologies.

• Question: Do I really sleep with my hand down my undies?
• Answer: I don't know because I'm asleep, but probably yes because I have been told this before.

• Question: Did I drug her or give her stuff to make her sleep?
• Answer: No! and I can prove it, as can her doctor and her counselor. She is a liar and has said this about other guys, it seems to be her way of justifying herself when she gets caught out, ask a certain colleague in Melbourne, she accused him of the same and guess what, the video footage doesn't show her drugged.

• Question: Did I really hate her family?
• Answer: Oh sure, that's why I spent a day at hospital with her parents when mum was having operations, I was there supporting dad when no other family member could/would. That's why I spent 7 years trying to fix the problems between them and why I went with Nicole to see her parents even though I knew they hated the very ground I walk on. I actually liked her family, her sister and kids in particular. Her brother was a bit of a stretch because of all the things Nicole has told me about him, but I tried. Ask her sister, her brother, her in-laws, did I ever seem as if I didn't like them!

• Question: Did I really look down on all her friends?
• Answer: Ask yourself that question as one of those friends, did I ever seem to you as if I looked down on you or as if I were putting on an act for you? Ok, there were one or two I didn't like but even then I tried to be nice, they didn't, I did.

• Question: Why didn't I report her if she really was physically abusing me?
• Answer: Because I loved her, she is a woman and she was angry, she didn't mean it, you don't have the person you love charged with assault.

• Question: Am I responsible for her father being rushed to hospital?
• Answer: I didn't sleep around, I didn't have video footage of me doing so, she does (by the way, if you want to view that footage I am told it is showing on www.ivortraksovitch.com, I haven't looked because I have no desire to sit through it again, but I am told by quite a few people it is there). All I did was post some home truths online, If she hadn't done these things then I would not have posted them. I didn't cause her father problems, she did!
  When I was told he had been rushed to hospital I was concerned about him, I called my doctor in Nowra and asked him to be there if needed. I bet she hasn't told you all the times I have been there for them, how much I have done to help them has she.

There are other questions but I don't need to answer them individually here, I did that in replies. I can tell you this though, I am angry yes, I am pissed off at this bitch for the lies and deception she continues to pour out, and it must be coming from her because it is way too personal to be from anybody else. I am dismayed that her so called friends believe this crap from her, they knew me well enough, they saw how I treated this woman, they were at our wedding for christs sake, I am not the liar here. I am pleased that some of those people are now asking me for my side, at least it shows they are not all morons and it makes me feel a lot better knowing that even a few of them are starting to believe me. Thank you. .

I ask this of the rest of you, please remember that I did not run off and jump into bed with my colleagues, I did not go sleep with 'friends' who could make my career better, I did not lie about my relationship or my marriage and I sure as hell didn't abuse my wife in any way at all, physically, mentally or emotionally. Remember also that I am the one with plates and screws in my wrist, I am the one with hospital and doctors records showing abuse, not her. I didn't want out of our marriage, she did. One more thing, I spent 15 years with Nicole, I was the one she talked to every single night when she came home from work, I am the one she told all the juicy stuff about colleagues, family and friends to. Why do you think she wants you turned away from me, why do you think she doesn't want you talking to me?

She is just like her mother!

You think she likes you don't you?

Decisions

Yep, it's me seemingly going back on my word yet again and writing stuff about my ex wife, well sorry but sometimes you just need to let people know, well those who give a crap at least, the truth when all you hear is lies. So I am back.
I decided some time back that being the angry vengeful arsehole wasn't the right example to set for the boys now in my care, but you know what, being the loser who lets other people lie about him and saying nothing isn't a good role model either.

Lets set things straight from the start here.

• 1. I didn't leave her, she left me.
• 2. I didn't smash her wrist, she smashed mine.
• 3. I didn't physically abuse her over 10 years, she did that to me.
• 4. I didn't walk out and leave her with no job or income, she did that to me.
• 5. I didn't lie for 3 years while I committed adultery, she did.
• 6. I didn't lie to police and friends, she did that.
• 7. I didn't destroy her family or cause her father a heart attack, she did.
• 8. I didn't take out an AVO against my own parents, she did.
• 9. I didn't ruin her career, she ruined mine with an AVO that wasn't needed.
• 10. I didn't steal from her, she stole from me and was made to return my things.
• 11. I didn't accuse her of drugging me, she accused me, and others of that.
• 12. I didn't 'use her' to get what I wanted, she used me, for 15 years.
• 13. I don't have video online of me having sex with my colleagues, she does.
• 14. I don't have naked photo's on the Internet, she does.

I am tired of being the bad guy in this breakup, I didn't do anything wrong, I didn't ask for her to go have sex with several colleagues, I didn't ask her to lie to me, I didn't ask her to leave me, abuse me, ruin my security career, I didn't ask her to shut me out sexually and I sure as hell didn't ask her to use me as a taxi service for her lovers, but she did.

I did nothing wrong that I can see in the 17 years I knew and loved Nicole, in the 15 years we spent together and the 9 years we were married. I loved her, cared for her, helped her, encouraged her, taught her and changed my entire life for her, hell I gave up all my friends and almost lost my oldest daughter for her.

I do not for a single instant believe that I deserved to be treated the way she has treated, and continues to treat me, with contempt.

Ok, so on December 16 2007 I made a huge mistake when I accidentally hit her with the sharp end of my electric guitar, but it WAS an accident and I panicked for reasons that should be fairly obvious, she had walked out on me, left me broke, in debt and with no reasonable explanation at all, so I wasn't exactly happy. Who the hell was going to believe a 1cm cut to her head was an accident right?

I panicked and I shouldn't have but at the time I really did not remember what had happened, I was in physical pain, drugged up to hell and back with pain killers and anti cancer crap.

Anyway, long story short it took Nicole until the next day, and required the encouragement of a 'friend' (wink wink), to go to police and lay assault charges against me (charges incidentally which were not upheld), during which she lied a lot and left out rather important facts such as me telling her I had hit her with the guitar accidentally, nor did she tell the truth about what happened in the hours following the incident. What she did do was her job, after all she is a journalist and knows what to leave in and what to leave out to make a story more interesting. I am thankful to the police officers who interviewed me and realised there was no deliberate assault, rather an accident and confusion.

So, if you think I should be held accountable for that mistake then so be it, I accept that criticism willingly, but I will not sit back and allow this woman to continually lie and blacken my name without hitting back, regardless of the consequences.

Nicole Louise Manktelow is a liar, a cheat, an adulteress and a class A bitch who will do the very same thing to the next poor sucker who thinks she loves him/her as she did to me, as soon as his/her 'best before date' expires .

Do I want to reconcile with her? Not a chance in hell, I hope Nicole falls off the face of the earth and stays there and I hope she takes our so called friends with her, they would be the ones who haven't even bothered to ask me what happened, they just take her word, dumb! oh, and shows what kind of people they are.

If I am to face some kind of legal action because she feels this blog is a breach of the AVO she very excitedly and willingly had brought against me then so be it, I no longer give a shit because I am sick and frigging tired of being told by people that I should have treated her better, that I should let her get on with her life, that I should leave her alone, that I should not have abused her, that I was 'too old for her', well go fcuk yourselves, she knew about the age difference, she accepted it, she knew the possibilities and she promised to be honest and stay true, she married me for gods sake in front of those same dumb people she calls friends, some of whom she then slept with I might add (probably why they stick with her). Don't come the crap about age differences with me, I helped her get where she is today and if you don't believe me then ask somebody who knew us since we arrived in Sydney, ask those people who 'really' know us, you don't have to believe me.

I didn't bloody well abuse her, I didn't bloody well do anything to her and I wish the hell she would just disappear. I have no wish or desire to see/speak/talk to/be with/be near/communicate with/touch or have anything to do with her ever again.

All I want now is for her to piss off out of my life and stop lying through her increasingly large arse about me. She has to date alienated from me almost every friend we had with her bullshit and crap, the only people who have remained my friends are those who actually know the truth about us, who have known us for the full 15 years we were together. These people can see through her facade, it's a crying shame those other people can't.

For the record, I actually liked and respected most of the friends we shared, or at least I thought we shared. It seems that respect and admiration was one sided.

I'm a bastard of a bloke, just ask anybody who actually knows me .